Battles

Depression can be a a real battle. Everything in your life can be good, and yet- you feel no happiness.  It is a real struggle.  How do I know? Cause I struggle with clinical depression- especially during pregnancy.  I haven't ever blogged about it- but I'm ready to talk about it.  Plus I want my kids and grand kids to know my struggles.   Depression is a horrible feeling and very hard to deal with every day.  It makes it hard to get out of bed and face the day.  I feel like I have nothing to look forward to except being sick.  It's miserable. 
When I'm not pregnant I take medication and exercise and can manage it so I feel great. I have learned how to manage it so I feel normal and happy most all the time.  But I am hesitant to take medication while pregnant- especially my first trimester.  And working out is so not fun while pregnant.  So the depression comes back.  Depression is such a hard thing to explain.  It's totally abnormal.  I can be in the best circumstance and feel like I am in a deep dark hole with no way to get out. I try to tell myself- "be happy, be happy, be grateful!".   But it's like having a broken arm and looking at your broken bone saying, "heal, heal, heal!"  You just can't do it.  Something is chemically wrong and no matter how much you tell yourself to be happy, the brain sends different signals. It's not a fun trial to have in life.  But at least it's manageable.  I am so thankful for modern medicine. 
 We recently went to Cooke City for a snowmobiling trip.  My depression was really bad.   I asked Darren and my brother Mark to give me a blessing.  Mark told me to listen to the counsel of my doctor and Darren, (they both have been telling me to get back on my prescription medicine).  He said if I took my prescription I would be so much happier and enjoy the birth of this baby so much more.  It was just what I needed to hear.  I love how in a healing blessing,  the solution can be to take modern medicine!  I felt so much better after.  Just knowing I had a solution.  So I have been taking my prescription the last 10 days, and I am feeling SOOO much better!  I am feeling so much more like myself.  I am getting excited about decorating and art again.  I feel happiness again.  It also helps that I am getting less sick as each day passes.  Having morning sickness is a horrible battle, but to throw depression on top of it just makes it almost unbearable.  I can not tell you how happy I am that I am done with morning sickness.  I am so thankful to be moving on.  I am thankful to feel like my normal happy self.  
So if you struggle with anxiety or depression do 2 things.  1. Go to a doctor and get on medication.  Try a couple different kinds till you find one that you like.  I hated Prozac but love Citalopram. 2.  Exercise.  When you do the 2 together they synergize with each other and you get amazing affects!! You will feel normal and happy again!!! 

Mt. Hood

Last month I was desperate to get out of my house.  After laying around for 6 weeks straight I needed to get out even though I still wasn't feeling great.  So I called Athena and planned a trip to Hood River.  Hood River is an eclectic, artsy little town halfway between us and Portland.  It's a mix of Park City and Portland.  A very rich, artsy town.  Kite-boarding on the river is really popular and people come from all over to kite-board there.  Outside of town are miles and miles of orchards and wineries at the base of Mt. Hood.
  We got a hotel for Friday night and left right after school Friday.  A friend recommended the Best Western along the river- and it was great! They had an amazing outdoor heated pool and hot tub.  And best of all- they were doing construction on our room- so we got upgraded to a 2 bedroom suite overlooking the river.  It was awesome!! We had a great time the first night swimming in the pool and going out to dinner for pizza.  The place we went was really fun, It was very original- in an old warehouse or something- but it was still upper class- kindof a hipster, artsy place.  They had a corner of the restaurant set up as a kids play area, with a train table and kids toys.  It was the best idea I have ever seen! Whoever came up with that should get a Nobel Peace prize.  Seriously.  We were able to enjoy our whole dinner while Kyle played with Gabe.  After dinner we went back to our luxurious suite.   Ellie and Gabe poured shampoo into the master bathroom bathtub and turned on the jets.  They had a great time playing in the bubbles. 

Here is the view from our personal balcony.  Nice.

And our own fireplace and big screen TV.  I could get used to this.

The next morning we enjoyed a fun breakfast at the hotel restaurant.  It was overlooking the river and had delicious, organic food.  The apple and orange juices were both freshly squeezed.  This is close to Portland remember.  Good food, atmosphere, company, and not feeling super sick.  What more could I want?  After breakfast Athena and Ben came to the hotel and swam with us.  It was so fun to see them!

I really wanted to get some fresh donuts that morning.  But couldn't find any.  I did like this big friendly dog looking out the back of the truck.  The closer you get to Portland to more people have dogs and less children.

After swimming we went back to the hotel, and got ready for the day.  We checked out and headed up to the base of Mt. Hood for a fun day of hiking. 

My 12 week pregnant belly with baby #5.

Trying to get a picture with Darren.  He is like a kid.  Seriously.

The hike up to Mirror Lake wasn't too long but it took us forever with Gabe and Nayeli insisting on walking the whole way- while stopping to examine every pebble along the way.  Darren said he could have gone up it faster in a wheelchair.  I actually would have liked to see that!!

After the hike we drove to a campground to have a campfire.  I may be smiling in the picture, but I was actually really starting to feel sick.  I felt dehydrated and like I had overdone it on the hike.  I was worn out.    

I love my sister Athena!

We were able to enjoy the beautiful outdoors around the campfire for about an hour before Athena's kid had had it, and I was tired too.  We wrapped it up and said goodnight to Athena, Ben, Nayeli, and Teddy.  We drove home the 3 hours that night and got home by 10:30.  It would have been bad at all if I weren't feeling sick.  Regardless, I had a good time, and the kids had a great time.  And it was wonderful to get out of the house and see Athena and Ben.  Love you guys! Lets do it again:)

Darren's Mountain Bike Race

Last month Darren rode in a 24 mile mountain bike race.  It's pretty hard core.  I rode the trail with him once, and it's a hard, scary trail!  I got off in several places to walk my bike- not that I'm a crazy daredevil, but I'm not a baby either! I couldn't imagine riding that trail at full speed!  But Darren is crazy and lives for stuff like this.  We went to the finish line and waited patiently as hundreds of bikers passed us.  People come from all over for this race- which fills up this tiny little town called Echo.  It's about 15 min. from Hermiston and a fun little place.  We got some fun food and ate lunch while we waited.  They started the racers every 15 min. to prevent racers from riding over each other. I'm not sure how many heats they had, but there were a  lot of racers.  It is always fun to see the type of people who do certain sports.  Mountain bikers tend to be skinny, with shaved legs and big calf muscles.   was a fun morning.  I think Darren is so awesome for doing cool stuff like this.  Plus he looks hot in all his gear.

Oregon Battle of The Books

I learned this year that Oregon Battle of the Books is a big deal, and a lot of fun.  Teachers from each grade choose a number of kids for teams to read a list of books.  The teams are arranged in groups of 4 and the kids are tested against other teams from the list of books.  All 3 of my older kids got chosen- and went pretty far! It was a great way to get my kids reading and excited about books.  Ellie and Paul had the same list of books, and Darren and I read some of the books on their lists.  It make for a lot of fun talking about the books.  Ellie was on a 6th grade team and had to compete against 7th and 8th graders.  And Kyle was on his 3rd grade team and competed against 5th graders.  I wish they had a competition for each grade individually, but I guess it's for the schools levels- Elementary, Middle, and High School.  Which seams unfair for the 3rd and 5th graders.  Regardless, Kyle and Ellie did amazing.  Kyle went farther than any 3rd grade team had gone- and Ellie's team made it to the finals at her school- against 8th graders! No 6th graders had ever gotten that far.  The whole school was into it.  All her teachers were cheering her team on and came to the final match.  I was even feeling good enough that day to go the match- which she lost, but it was still fun to go to.  I had to take a picture of the team they were playing against- cause they looked about 5 years older than Ellie and her teammates. 

Ellie and her team.  The girl on the right of Ellie is her good friend, Nadine.  She and Ellie answered almost all the questions. They studied together all the time. 

Here are the 2 teams together after the Battle.  Poor Ellie was so upset she was trying so hard to keep from crying in front of her friends.  I told her to be proud of herself for getting a far as she did.  And next year she'll have an even better chance!

The Music Man

Well, it looks like we have some music talent in the family.  Paul is really starting to get good at the trumpet.  He went to a Jazz Festival in Idaho and played with his band.  He had 3 solos- and his teacher said he did great.  He loves playing I love listening to him.  His band teacher, Mr. Boyson is great.  He told me Paul is amazing for only playing the trumpet a year.  The best part is that Paul really enjoys it! Yea!

White Out

Have you ever tried to get white-out off of something it's not supposed to be on? It's hard.  Like really hard.  Thank goodness for the internet I found out that Goo Gone would get it off. Thank goodness Gabe is so cute and had no idea that he shouldn't be painting my office chair with white-out, or he would have been in big trouble.  Instead I just took his picture of his being so cute and proud of his art project.

Valentines Day

I know, I'm so far behind.  But I need to catch up.  Here is Valentines Day.  I was actually feeling ok the night before- which happened to be Darren and my 16 year anniversary.  He gave me and Ellie flowers for Valentines.  Other than that we didn't buy each other a thing.  And I was to sick to care.
Thank goodness I have great older kids that made set the table really fun and Darren made a great Valentines dinner.  He made breakfast for dinner, crepes with strawberries and whipping cream- one of our favorites! Thanks Darren for being so sweet.  And thanks to my wonderful kids who have been so helpful and understanding through this morning sickness.  I love spending Valentines with my family.