Another Day

One more miserable day down.  I can not believe I have done this 4 times before.  I am never doing it again.  This will be our last baby.   That thought makes me feel so much better.  Last time.  I can do this.  Never again will I have to feel like this for weeks on end.  When you get the flu or sick and it's only a couple days I can handle it.  But the day-in day-out suffering is almost unbearable.  Whenever people say, "you forget how bad it is."  I say "I have never forgotten and will never forget how bad it is." You don't forget things like this.  When I'm not pregnant and people talk about morning sickness I shudder.  The next worst part is being huge at the end of pregnancy- but I'll take that any day over morning sickness.  I'll take anything over morning sickness.  I'd take death over morning sickness!  Good thing I know there will be an end to it.  And it's a good thing I love my kids and husband so much.  And best of all- I know the result from the suffering.  A beautiful baby that will be mine for eternity. For now, the end of morning sickness can't come soon enough. 

Blessings

No matter how sick and whiny I get there is one thing that never changes.  How grateful I feel.  As miserable as I am, I feel so much gratitude to be able to be in comfortable circumstances while I go through this.  I can be in a nice, warm, comfortable house, with clean food and water.  I can lay on the couch all day and watch TV.  I have great kids and a nice husband, who help me when they get home.  In fact, Darren brought home a huge bouquet of flowers for me today.  I am also grateful I can have children.  As miserable as pregnancy is, nothing surpasses the joy of giving birth and being done with pregnancy.   The second after I give birth I feel like shouting Halleluiah!  It's better than climbing Mt. Everest.  And so, in my dark moments I look forward to that day.  One more day down. And one more day closer.

Thoughts

My thoughts throughout the day consist mostly of a constant prayer.  "Dear God, please help me, please, please, please help me to get through this.  Help me to just make it through the day."     I am so completely miserable.  I wonder how I can even get through this.  Last night was bad.  BAD.  I laid in bed moaning for 2 hours.  I pray for some sort of relief.  Any relief.  I have tried everything.  Zofran, Promethazine, garlic candies, Unison, Vitamin B6.  Unisom seems to help a little.  Nothing else makes a difference.  I swear all other remedies are placebos.
I didn't make my bed yesterday- It has been YEARS since a day has gone by that I didn't make the bed.  Probably the last time I had morning sickness. All I do is lay around and watch TV while my poor family has to listen to me complain.  I'm so sorry for everyone that has to be around me!  But I'm even more sorry for myself!
Pregnancy is so hard.  I try to get get through everyday.  Then I think I have 6 more weeks of this and I get depressed.  Very depressed.  Like I said, "Dear God, Please help me." 

Acupuncture

Well, I got acupuncture for my morning sickness today.  It helped.  A lot.  But not enough for me to have the umph to do anything but go to Walmart.  I am still sick and my house is a wreck.  One more day down.  I'm going to bed.

Sick

Well, I have started feeling sick! That is good.  But along with that comes depression.  I am feeling so sick.  And so folks- well buckle up.  My blog is going to be my release. So I'm warning you now, there may be a lot of whining and complaining. But I'm pregnant and pretty much crazy.   I'm not sorry- you are welcome to not check my blog for 9 months months.  I wont be offended. 
This video is pretty funny.  My kids showed it to me and we laughed our heads off.     https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FMU7UVFDqO0

Private?

I am thinking about making my blog private again.   I would really like to have an idea of who looks at my blog before I decide.  I see a lot of page views and no comments all the time so I really have no idea who is reading my blog and it makes me a little apprehensive about posting personal stuff.  I appreciate those of you who comment from time to time. (Laura, Circe, Athena, Andrea, David and Marilyn, thanks for your comments!  Mom, you always call and talk to me about my posts:) So, if you read my blog- would you please make a comment with you name, so I can get a feeling of my audience. Thanks! 

News....

So, if you have been following my blog you know that we have been trying to have another baby.  Well, I have good news and bad news.  The good news is that I am pregnant! The bad news is that I am feeling great.  In other words- no morning sickness.  Which is not good.  The last time I felt like this I miscarried.  So, I have a feeling I am going to miscarry.  I just don't feel pregnant at all.  Usually I get sick when I am 6 weeks along- to the day.  That day has come and gone and I still feel great.  I feel ok about it.  Last time this happened I was young, scared, and naive. But now I know miscarriages are just so common.  And I feel more prepared for it.  Before I thought it would never happen to me.  But now I know it can happen and it's ok.   Obviously if I do miscarry I will be sad and disappointed.  Especially since it took us so long- 6 months.  I feel like I should be having a baby anytime now.  I feel frustrated with how long it's taking.  Time is going by fast and I'm not getting any younger.  Neither is Gabe- he will be 3 next month.  But then- who knows, maybe this pregnancy will be different and I'm worrying about nothing!  Being pregnant is so stressful.  I, and I am sure every mother worries so much about the baby developing inside.   I am freaking out about the 4 Ibuprofen I took before I knew I was pregnant, I cleaned out the stove with stove cleaner, and emptied the litter box too.  So many things to worry about! My heart just aches that the baby will develop correctly, and be healthy and strong.  It just seems so strange to me to be pregnant and feel great.  I am so happy to be pregnant, but being cautions about getting overly excited.  I know Heavenly Father has a plan for our family and He know what is best for our family.   I pray that I can have strength and a good attitude no matter what happens.  I'll keep you up to date if anything happens.  For now, I'm pregnant!

A Trip to the ER

Admist the craziness of the week of painting- Ellie got sick with Croup.  Like really sick.  She has always been a "sickly" child.  If one of my kids is going to catch something- it's usually Ellie.  That's how I was when I was little, I was ALWAYS getting sick.  Usually it was Strep.  My mom had rheumatic fever when she was younger, so I think I got the bad immune system from my mom and passed it on to Ellie.  Anyways, so we painted probably 10-12 hours on Monday.  Ellie was very sick all day and I took her to the Instacare because I though for sure it was strep, but it wasn't.  The doctor said it was just a really bad virus.  She was lethargic all day and just laid around not eating a thing or even wanting to watch TV.   She wouldn't talk at all because her throat hurt her so much.  I gave her some Nyquil and put her to bed early.  I finished painting and at 12:30am I went to bed exhausted.  At 2:30 in the morning I woke up to Ellie in a panic, "I can't breath!" I was so tired I told her to take a shower and the humidity would help her.  She was relentless, in a raspy voice she kept whispering "I can't breath!!! Mom, you don't understand, I can't breath!!" then she started hyperventilating.  At this point I was more awake and taking her serious.  Darren also was awake by now.  He  jumped out of bed and scooped her up in her arms and and started telling her to breathe- helping her to relax.  Since Darren is used to crazy medical situations, he kept calm the whole time.  He whispered to her helping her to breath in slowly, and out slowly.  He cursed that he didn't have his pulse oximiter to see her oxygen saturation levels.  He recently bought one, Gabe played with it, and we haven't been able to find it since.  So poor Ellie laid there in Darren's arms gasping for each breath.  After he got her calmed down he wrapped her in a warm blanket and took her outside in the cold air.  He was still barefoot and in his garments. LOL I was so thankful for Darren and his calm demeanor.  After a couple minutes he came back in and said that she needed to go the the ER and get a breathing treatment and some steroids.  It's too bad we don't have a nebulizer or albuterol on hand.  It could have saved us a lot of money. But we weren't taking any chances.  It was a scary situation and Darren is well aware of the seriousness of kids not being able to breath.   Darren carried her to the car and I drove her to the ER.  I was thankful the hospital is 4 min. away.  They were great. We were the only ones there and we hadn't waited a whole min. before they called us back.  When they took us back her temp.  was 101.8 and her oxygen stat was 94.  She had just been siting in the car so she was doing a little better.  But by the time we walked back to the ER room her oxygen had dropped to 88.  It slowly went up to 90, then stayed between 92-94 the rest of the night. Even after the breathing treatment.  I don't really know a lot about those numbers- but Darren said that's scary.  The nurse said at 94 a child feels very oxygen deprived and it's very scary for them.  She said with Croup a lot of times you can put them in the shower, or take them in the cold air to help them- but in Ellie's case she needed to come in. I was glad to hear that- because as a parent you hope you make the best decision without being dramatic, and at the same time, not wasting a ton of money by going to the ER without needing to. She assured me we had made the right decision by bringing Ellie in.  And I guess if Darren says she needs to go, she needs to go.  He knows what he is talking about.  

I could hardly get her to smile- but managed a few pictures with a smile.  Her face was pretty blotchy and red because of her fever. After the breathing treatment she felt much better. This reminded me of the same thing thing that happened to her when she was just a toddler.  ER with the croup.  Like I said- she is a sickly child.  I am so thankful for modern medicine, hospitals, doctors, and nurses.   She was still very sick the rest of the week.  We gave her lots of blankets, pillows, electronics, popsicles, ice cream, and of course, lots of love.  We love our little Ellie and are so happy she is feeling better now!

House Projects

Ok- If anyone has been following my instagram account you know I have been working like crazy getting our house painted.  The last two weeks I built our kitchen cabinets up to the ceiling in anticipation for Darrens week off and his dad coming from Massachusets to visit and help with the house painting.  I had everything ready and we have been painting like crazy the last 5 days.  I am exhausted.  I am not going to label any of the pictures because I am just to tired.  There are no "After" pictures here.  This is all "Before" and "During."  My house is still a complete disaster, but I'm just keeping it real.  Here is what I have so far.  You get what you get:)

There you go.  We are painting the bathroom, doors and trim tomorrow.  And hopefully cleaning up a little bit!