The First Few Days- Luke Part 6

The morning after the c-section Darren arrived.  He had been traveling the whole night to get to the hospital. First he drove to Boise then flew to Salt Lake.  He ended up getting to the hospital around 9 in the morning.  We were both exhausted.  We went to the NICU and saw Luke.  Then we went back to my room and both slept pretty much the rest of the day.

The first couple of days after Luke were born were hard.  I think I cried 2 days straight.  Why? Well, First- my dreams of the perfect labor had been completely crushed.   Second- I could barely hold him, and they wouldn't let me nurse him at all.  I love nursing and it was really hard to not nurse.  They wouldn't let me feed him till his oxygen was down to a 2- which ended up taking almost 3 days.  I felt like I had gone though all this crap and didn't even get the reward.  Third- Having a c-section freaking kills! So I was in lots of pain.  I was trying to not take that much pain medication.  Which was really stupid.  If you ever get a c-section, take all the meds they offer!  Don't try and be a hero.  Seriously, just don't.  Fourth- I just had a baby so my hormones were wreaking havoc inside.  But here's the good thing.  When I finally got to nurse my baby- all my worries went away and everything was ok.

This was Darren's first time seeing his son! And my first time really holding him.

My sweet little boy.  It wasn't fun to see him like this.  Not fun at all.

In the NICU they only allowed visitors under 18 on Sunday.  I got special permission for my older kids to come see Luke before they went back to Oregon.   They had all been begging to see him.  Saturday night, 3 days after he was born, they were each allowed 15 minutes with their baby brother.  I'm not a fan of rules like that.

Gabe wasn't allowed to see him and cried everyday for the next 10 days to see his baby brother.  I felt so bad for him.  I tried to do fun things to divert his attention.

At first I named him Isaiah.  No one liked that name so we changed it to Noah.  Darren didn't like that name so we changed it to Luke.   It's on the Birth Certificate, so it's not changing now.  I still like the name Isaiah, but got over-ruled by a bunch of twerps.

Look at these BEAUTIFUL flowers my mom brought to me.  She picked them all from her yard!

My bosom friend Tara came to visit.  It was so good to see her!

I love the flowers and card Julia sent me.  Gotta love Julia!

I had to take this picture of my swollen feet! They looked like Hobbit feet for days!!

My amazing dad and mom.  My dad gave Luke a blessing.  He said Luke would grow and be healthy.  It was such a comfort during the next 10 days.

After a couple of days he didn't need his oxygen anymore  I was so grateful.  He originally had an IV in his hand, then it came out so they put it in his other hand, that one came out too so they put it in his head.  It stayed there till it got taken out permanently.

He kept sucking his thumb!  Cute baby!

From Darren's End- Luke Part 5

Here are some pictures from Darren computer at our house.   As I look at the pictures I can't help but feel my heart swell with gratitude for such a great team of doctors and nurses.  They were skillful and competent. They were all so kind and genuine.  I felt so grateful that even though they have done this a thousand times they were compassionate towards me and my situation.  I felt like they really cared about me.   I am so grateful for modern medicine.  I am grateful for spinals and pain killers.  I am grateful for technology so Darren could watch the whole thing on his computer at home.  I am grateful the whole thing is over and ended up ok. 

Surgery is so fun!!! I just love it! LOL

Emergency C-Section- Luke Part 4

Well, here we go.  It was time for the c-section.  I sat on the table and the CRNA gave me a spinal.  Which by the way was much easier than an epidural. I was so sad as I looked around the OR.  The CRNA wasn't Darren.  The doctor wasn't Dr. Laury.  The hospital wasn't Good Shepherd. I didn't know any of the nurses.  I didn't know anyone.  They were all talking and visiting with each other and I felt so completely alone. I imagined how it could have been.  That made me too sad so I tried to just put it out of my mind.  Then my sweet mom came in.  They got Darren on the doctors phone via Skype.  Right before they started I felt like I was  going to have a panic attack.  I wanted to tell the doctor I had changed my mind.  I wanted to rip down the curtain, jump off the table, run away and hide.  I decided against it.  Besides, I couldn't move my legs so that wouldn't have worked anyways.

Then they got started.  The surgery itself wasn't that bad.  No pain.  I didn't even feel a lot of pulling or tugging.  I asked to watch so they put up a mirror for me so I could see over the curtain.  I watched them pull the baby out.  Then I saw a huge pool of blood and decided I had seen enough.  I didn't want to see my uterus on my stomach.  Darren kept trying to talk to me to distract me.  He even talked about decorating our house.  Unfortunately I wasn't in the mood.  It took a while to stitch me up and at that point all I wanted was to see my baby.  This NICU nurses had been there and took him immediately.  His oxygen stats were low- about 85 and they kept working on him trying to get his oxygen up.  For about 10 minutes I waited and finally said, "so, can I see my baby?   They must not have heard me.  After about half hour the doctor finally said, "Hey, is she going to be able to hold her baby?"   So they brought him to me.  I got to hold him about thirty seconds. Then they took him to the NICU.  It really made me uncomfortable to  have him leave. I have this fear of my baby getting mixed up with another baby.  What mom doesn't?  My mom went with him and I felt better about that.  By that time they were all done and I felt exhausted.  I think I literally passed out.  They wheeled me back to my room and Christina, Malinda, and Laura were all there.  They could have all had a party all night long and I wouldn't have remembered.  I was out of it the rest of the night.  It was so sweet of all them to stay at the hospital till 1 in the morning.  Christina didn't even get there till after midnight. I love my sweet sisters and sisters in law so much.  They were all so kind and supportive.  Although I did feel bad for them.  It wasn't the funnest situation.  Everyone felt so bad for me.  I think poor Laura was traumatized!
 I love this picture of my sweet mom ready to come be with me!

Let's get this party started!

There was Darren trying to talk to me.  It was really hard to not have him really be there.  I was so distracted I wasn't really even paying attention to him.

I love this picture of my insides.  I wish there was a close up!  No wonder it hurt so much for the next... oh, wait, it still hurts.

YEA!!! He's here!!

Here he is!  Born at 11:20 pm on august 19th.  He was 6 lbs. 2 oz. 

My beautiful mom holding the phone so I could talk to Darren.

My amazing CRNA. Not as awesome as Darren, but then, who is?

This picture makes me laugh.  This is NOT how I was feeling inside.

Finally I got to hold my baby!! For 30 seconds.

Bad News- Luke Part 3

My mom, Laura, Malinda and I were talking about how exciting this all was.  We were busy texting everyone the news, taking pictures, and trying to keep Darren up to date. We were having a great time.
Then the ultra sound tech came in.  They wanted to check and make sure everything looked good.  I felt completely confident.  After a few minutes of her looking at my belly she said, " baby is breach, and you're going to have to have a C-Section."  I felt like she just threw a bomb in my face.  My world just completely got rocked.  I could not believe she just said that.  She must be wrong.  There must be some other way.  I WAS NOT going to get a C-section.  It wasn't even a possibility for me!  I cannot even express to you how much I did not want a c-section.  Ever.  I looked at the ultra sound tech and could barely get the words out.  I said, "I am not having this baby c-section without my husband here."  I could barely talk I was crying so much.
My nurse (Ashley) was perfect for me in that situation.  She was the best.  She was just what I needed.  She explained to me in a serious but compassionate way that because my water was broken there was no way to turn the baby.  And that because I already had 4 kids I could go into labor at any time- and then the baby would be coming out butt first and all sorts of bad things can happen.  The baby's cord can get wrapped around it's head, it can cut off blood supply and oxygen, my uterus can rupture, and other complications.    If that happened it would be too late for a c-section and it becomes a very dangerous situation for baby and me.   All the fun and excitement were gone.   All my dreams of the perfect natural birth were crushed. None of it was going to happen.  Darren wouldn't even be the one to give me a spinal.  It wasn't going to be at our hospital where we knew all the nurses.  My doctor that I had all confidence in wasn't going to deliver my baby. I was devastated.  I felt like all my agency had been taken away from me. I had no choice.  I felt so helpless.  I just could hardly believe the situation. It sucked.
I asked my nurse if they could at least wait to do the c-section until morning when my husband was there.  She was very honest and said, "honey, I hate to tell you this, but there is no way the doctor is going to let you wait that long.  It's just to dangerous.  Because you've already had 4 kids you could go into labor any minute. But I'll go call him and see what he says."  While she was gone my mom, Laura and Malinda assured me everything was going to be ok.  It was an awful situation.  I was a complete wreck.  I felt so grateful that they were there with me.
Ashley came back a minute later.  She said, "I talked to the doctor, and he wants to do the c-section within a half hour."  Once again I felt blown away.  I felt so sad and angry.  There was no chance of this not happening.  There was no way to stop it.  It was the most awful feeling.  I kept thinking I would wake up from this nightmare any minute and be at Laura's house. 
After that it got crazy.  Nurses were coming in and out, putting an IV in, putting things on my legs,  shaving me, they were bringing me papers to sign, insurance questions, the CRNA came in.  I just felt like I hadn't had a minute to wrap my heard around what was happening.  I asked everyone to leave and just give me a minute.  I called Darren and we talked.  Here is a picture Laura took of me on the phone with him.  It shows the way I felt.  

After a few minutes to myself everyone came back in.  The doctor got there.  When he came in he asked how I was doing.  I said, "I'm sad."  He said, "Your sad because your having a baby?"  I felt like being very rude and telling him that was the wrong thing to say to me right at that moment.   I said, "No, I'm sad because I'm having a c-section without my husband here!"  like, duh!  Then he told me how he worked overseas and he had delivered lots of babies without the dads there.  I wanted to say, "Well that's exactly why we chose NOT to join the military.  I don't want to have a baby without my husband!  I didn't choose this! They have had time to mentally prepare.  This is completely different. I have not mentally prepared  myself for this. " I think he was just trying to make me feel better so I just kept my mouth shut.  It's not like I was the ideal patient at the time either. We talked about other stuff and he answered my questions.  We pretty much went over everything the nurse had said. He really was very nice and a great doctor.  He gave the nurse his phone to set up Skype with Darren so Darren could be on the phone via Skype during the c-section.  He said alright- see you in a few minutes in the operating room.  I couldn't believe this was happening. 

So many papers to fill out! I was shaking so bad I'm sure all my signatures were a mess. I think the whole thing would have been so much better if I just had had time to mentally prepare myself.  Even an hour would have made a difference.