Battles

Depression can be a a real battle. Everything in your life can be good, and yet- you feel no happiness.  It is a real struggle.  How do I know? Cause I struggle with clinical depression- especially during pregnancy.  I haven't ever blogged about it- but I'm ready to talk about it.  Plus I want my kids and grand kids to know my struggles.   Depression is a horrible feeling and very hard to deal with every day.  It makes it hard to get out of bed and face the day.  I feel like I have nothing to look forward to except being sick.  It's miserable. 
When I'm not pregnant I take medication and exercise and can manage it so I feel great. I have learned how to manage it so I feel normal and happy most all the time.  But I am hesitant to take medication while pregnant- especially my first trimester.  And working out is so not fun while pregnant.  So the depression comes back.  Depression is such a hard thing to explain.  It's totally abnormal.  I can be in the best circumstance and feel like I am in a deep dark hole with no way to get out. I try to tell myself- "be happy, be happy, be grateful!".   But it's like having a broken arm and looking at your broken bone saying, "heal, heal, heal!"  You just can't do it.  Something is chemically wrong and no matter how much you tell yourself to be happy, the brain sends different signals. It's not a fun trial to have in life.  But at least it's manageable.  I am so thankful for modern medicine. 
 We recently went to Cooke City for a snowmobiling trip.  My depression was really bad.   I asked Darren and my brother Mark to give me a blessing.  Mark told me to listen to the counsel of my doctor and Darren, (they both have been telling me to get back on my prescription medicine).  He said if I took my prescription I would be so much happier and enjoy the birth of this baby so much more.  It was just what I needed to hear.  I love how in a healing blessing,  the solution can be to take modern medicine!  I felt so much better after.  Just knowing I had a solution.  So I have been taking my prescription the last 10 days, and I am feeling SOOO much better!  I am feeling so much more like myself.  I am getting excited about decorating and art again.  I feel happiness again.  It also helps that I am getting less sick as each day passes.  Having morning sickness is a horrible battle, but to throw depression on top of it just makes it almost unbearable.  I can not tell you how happy I am that I am done with morning sickness.  I am so thankful to be moving on.  I am thankful to feel like my normal happy self.  
So if you struggle with anxiety or depression do 2 things.  1. Go to a doctor and get on medication.  Try a couple different kinds till you find one that you like.  I hated Prozac but love Citalopram. 2.  Exercise.  When you do the 2 together they synergize with each other and you get amazing affects!! You will feel normal and happy again!!!