New Years Resolutions

New Years resolutions- always a good thing.  But I never get really into it because I think setting goals once a year is just not very effective.  I am typically setting goals every day, week, and month.  Especially with my eating and exercise. We set resolutions as a family for FHE last month.  Everything has gone to pot now that I have morning sickness.   I am going to rewrite my resolutions to:  1. survive morning sickness.  and 2. Grow a brand new wonderful baby

Good Days

Today has been good.  Very good.  It is our 16 Year Anniversary!  I was determined to feel good today- so I got up and went running.  The kids didn't have school so it made it easy to leave Gabe home and go with one of my running friends, Ashley.  She will pretty much never say no to running, so when I texted her and asked her if she wanted to go running in 5 minutes she said yes!  So off we went.  I ran 3 miles in under 30 min.  It made me feel good!  I hope I don't pay for it tomorrow. I want so bad to work out this pregnancy.
  Then I went to my ultrasound.  Darren got off work early and was able to go with me.  What is it with ultrasound techs being grouchy?  She wasn't too bad- but I haven't ever had a really happy, excited, ultrasound tech.  They are all jaded.  I didn't care- I was happy to see my sweet little baby on the screen.  ONE sweet little baby that looked like a little gummy bear.  I could see her little heart beating.  I could  see her little stubs that will turn into arms and legs. I love getting my first ultrasound.  It makes it seem so real.  It shows the reason I have been so sick and miserable.  When I see that little baby it makes it ok.  I know what that little gummy bear will develop into.  It makes me so excited.  I pray and pray and pray she or he will develop normal and be healthy and be one of Gods greatest, noblest spirits. 
Tonight Darren and I are going to go out to eat.  I am so excited to do something other than sit on the couch.  And I'm also excited to be with Darren.
Also, today marks my 9th week.  I started getting sick at week 5 and should start feeling better at 12, so I am on the downhill.  I also had my nasty "10" days, so that is a relief. 
I feel half way normal today and it is the best feeling in the world.  I may actually make it through this.

Guessing Game

I am 9 weeks along tomorrow and have an ultrasound.  I can't wait.  I have a lot of anxiety I am going to have twin boys. Our family has been praying for years to have another little girl.  Ellie especially.  I would love to have a sweet little girl with dark skin and dark hair.  A little girl that looks like me! None of my kids look like me.  All my boys are blonde and look like Darren. And Ellie looks like my sister Athena.  Anyways, so when I first found out I was pregnant I had a dream I had twin boys!  Please no! So when I went to my first Dr. appointment I asked the doctor if we could do an ultrasound early, and he said no.  I started crying and said I really wanted to know if I was going to have twins.  He stated very calmly I would know soon enough- at my 9 week ultrasound.  He must be used to dealing with pregnant crazy ladies. I'm still mad though.  And very curios.  I had a friend call me the other day and say she had a dream I had twins. Then when we told Gabe I was pregnant, I said, " Momma has a baby in her belly!" and he said, "No!! Two babies!"  Oh boy.  Honestly, I don't really want twins.  Obviously I'll take what I get as I don't get a choice in the matter.  And I'll love my kids to the moon and back no matter.  But I am certain twins seem like a LOT of work. Like, more than just one newborn.  I just can't imagine.  And of course there is always so much anxiety that my baby will be healthy.  I worry about that too.  Anyways, God knows what He is doing. I have faith in Him no matter what.  So I'll let you know tomorrow how everything looks. 

Bad Days

Sunday was a bad day.  BAD. It was hard.  So, so hard.  It seemed like the minutes crawled by and the day would never come to an end.  I am in the thick of it and It's going to be a bad week before it gets better.  Sunday my morning sickness, depression and anxiety were almost unbearable.  Being in the middle of morning sickness is like a deep dark tunnel that will never end.  Monday morning I mustered all the energy of my soul and took Gabe to go running.  It was sunny, for the first time in a month. We went about ten and I was able to run a mile and half and walk two.  I felt awful the whole time.  But I wanted to see if working out would help.  I don't know if it did or not.  This is the third time I have gone running since I had morning sickness, and am pretty sure it's my last.  I wanted so badly to keep running.  I want to be the awesome pregnant chick that runs until she goes into labor.  But I just literally can not do it.  I guess when I hit the bottom it gave me a desire to go.  I couldn't go far or long and it really discouraged me- but I at least I went and felt good about that.   And it felt good to get out instead of just sitting on the couch all day. 
Yesterday was also an awful day.  I had a migraine and threw up a lot.  I literally felt like I was dying.  I rate each of my days how bad I felt and it was a 10.  Each pregnancy I have about 2-3 days that are almost unbearable.  My "10" days. This week I have had 2 of them. I very distinctly remember each of pregnancy "10" days.  I have been dreading these days- and feel relieved to have a couple of them over.  It means that my morning sickness will start going downhill.
  

Rubiks Cube

I told my kids I would give them $10 if they could solve the Rubiks cube with instructions from the computer.  And I would give them $20 if they could solve it all by themselves.  Kyle is the first to complete the challenge.  This kid can solve the Rubiks cube in about 2 minutes all by himself.  Impressive!

Zombie

I'm still sick and still plugging through each day.  I think one of the worst things about morning sickness, besides the sickness itself, it how it destroys all motivation and desires.  I don't care about anything.  I don't want to do anything except sleep.  I don't care about cleaning, laundry, homework, dishes, etc.  If there is a pile of dirty tissues and orange peels on the couch- I don't care- I will lay next to it for days without cleaning it up.   I don't even care about the fun stuff.  I don't care about decorating, or painting, going out to dinner, shopping, or anything fun.  It's really, really.... depressing. I am bored and depressed and sick of watching TV, but just can't find the desire to do anything else.  One morning in a moment of feeling better I thought maybe I could go do some mending- so I got out my mending box, and then I felt sick and that's as far as that went.  The mending box has been sitting in the same spot since.   I even have some fun stuff to blog about, but I get to my computer and just sit and stare at the screen in a zombie state. I feel like part of me has died.  My personality is gone. Hopefully its comes back.

Movie Critic

I have watched enough movies for the rest of my life.  I am sick of TV.  I am sick of laying on the couch.  But I don't know what else to do.  I thought about reading- but I can barely find the desire to turn on the TV remote control let alone turn pages.  So I'll keep you updated on what I have watched.

Labor Day:  One of the stupidest movies I have ever seen about a convict who escapes from jail and hides in a ladies house and they fall in love.  Then he gets caught and spends the next 25 years in jail while she waits in a deep depression.  Then they get back together when he gets out of jail and they are old. Don't waste your time

Breakfast At Tiffany's:  A classic I have seen the cover a hundred times and figured it was time for me to watch the movie.  Almost as stupid as Labor Day.  Shocking inappropriate for it's time.  I could not believe the stuff in this movie!! They are smoking and drinking the entire movie, he's a prostitute, she practically is too.  They go on an adventurous "date"  and go to a strip club then go shoplift. And they sleep together.  What is going on??? I thought I was safe watching an old movie with Audrey Hepburn in it.  All I can see is Satan's early stages of getting into Hollywood.   People like this movie???  What a waste of time. 

North and South:  A 4 hour mini series on Netflix.  I loved it.  Clean and romantic.  It really helped me enjoy the day.  I'm not going to tell you about it- watch it for yourself:)

Enchanted April:  Another one I've seen the cover a million times and figured it was time to watch.  I'm so sick of old movies trying to be "edgy".  It was ok, but I was really bothered that one of the husbands was having an affair.  Once again, a movie that is old and romantic and you would think would be clean, and although they never showed anything- you know he's having an affair.  It's like watching Anne of Green Gables and they throw in a couple having an affair.  Totally out of place   What's romantic about that?  Nothing.  The only good parts were the scenery shots of Italy.