Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs

Tonight I feel like I just can hardly take another day of being sick.  Yesterday morning I actually felt ok.  I ran 3 miles in the morning, then went to Ellie's school to watch her in her Battle of the Books.   Then I got a message- which I really didn't enjoy because I felt sick the whole time.  Then it hit. Nights are always bad for me.  After 5 I'm done.  Last night there was Young Women activity that Ellie really wanted me to go to- because she in going into Young Womens this year they had a special Personal Progress night.  I felt like I should step it up and be there for her.  The leaders went to so much work and the church gym looked amazing.  The decorations and snacks were perfectly done.  It was  straight from Pinterest.  I didn't enjoy it all all.  I was feeling awful and looking for my throw-up escape route the entire time.  I imagined what it would be like if I didn't make it out of the cultural hall and ended up throwing up in front of everyone.  Including the bishop.  Thankfully Darren came and took my place and I left early.  I went home and felt awful.  Another one of my "10" nights.  I ended up throwing up so bad last night my stomach has been sore all day.   I swear I am going to get bed sores from laying down so much.  I hate it.  I hate being sick!!!

  Good health is SOO important.  SO IMPORTANT.  Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs is true.  When you don't have your basic needs; health, water, food, sleep,- it seems that nothing else matters.  I don't care about hardly anything except feeling better.  I don't care about my house being clean, my kids watching hours of electronics, decorating my house, how I look, showering, going out, clothes, making dinner, money, anything.   I still have throw-up in my hair from last night and I don't care.  I can't get myself to shower.  My kids desperately need new shoes and Paul has 1 pair of pants.  I just don't care.  I cant take them to the store to buy new clothes.  I don't feel happiness.  I don't read my scriptures or feel the spirit.  I don't feel anything.  I feel like a zombie just trying to survive.  I guess I would say I feel survival.   A need to get through each day.  A need to endure.   I wonder if I will ever recover.  If I will ever feel normal again. 

I look at all the normal people in the street, driving kids to school, or at the store and think about how lucky they are.  Do they have any idea how nice it is to feel good?  Who cares what happens if you feel healthy???  If you have good health you can do anything!!  ANYTHING!!  I love to work hard and feel a since of accomplishment at the end of they day knowing I put in a good hard days work.  I would give anything to feel tired from a good days work.  I feel tired from a day of nothing! I feel like I sleep and waste my days away watching TV.  Then I tell myself it's not for nothing.  It's not a waste of time.   It will be worth it.  I do pray.  I pray all day for help to get through this.  Dear God,  just help me get through this.

Healthy bodies are such a huge blessing...Don't forget that.

Don't take it for granted nor neglect it!

                                           - Stephanie Nielson